Assassin's Creed -- Highlights and Review (12.28.16)

Of the movies I’ve watched this season, I wanted to highlight the tastefully done love story in “Assassin’s Creed”. There is little to be said about the story and the internal twists and turns revealed slowly to the audience, and the action was very much done well, according to me, but it’s the subtle and not over-done love story that I truly felt was worth noting.

**SPOILER ALERT!!**

The story follows the bloodline of the Assassin’s Creed member named Aguilar and his bloodline, down to Callum Lynch, played by Michael Fassbender. When left to fend for himself, Cal is imprisoned for murder and sentenced to death. Once he is dead to the world, Cal is taken to the Animus, where Sophie dives into his past to find the location of the Apple.

The love story I’m referring to is between Aguilar and Maria. Though it is ambiguous, the sweetness of their emotions while getting the job done is shown tastefully without long drawn-out scenes of passion and nudity. Fully clothed and running for their lives through an enemy city, they encounter group after group of soldiers continuously, and manage to just barely get away.

Without needing to say it, the action is on par with some of the best I've ever seen. The fast cuts, agility, and precision is commendable. Better than the Bourne series, above and beyond most of The Matrix and the like, this video game's action translated well onto the big screen. The story was a bit diluted, slow at some points, boring at others, but the dispersed action and MUSIC, yes, music did a lot in making the movie exciting.

Review Score:  B+ 

Youtube Space LA Visit with Moon + Tea

This space is amazing!!

I couldn't be more excited... Still not completely open yet, but getting there. I think I do have a little camera shyness. I wore glasses to keep the dorkier image of myself. Also, some of the best things we saw, we didn't get, including the prop room and the bathroom that I LOVED. I mean, wow. Seriously!!

vLogging Is Hard

After being asked to help my bestie, a Youtube Personality, manage her time to up the subs and views for her channel, I decided to document it because... It wouldn't get any more real than what we were doing at that point. So... yes, I am withholding a lot of my personality, but this is a good outlet, and I will soon unleash all of myself on it... Once people get a flow for what I'm doing. There's no way I can stay this controlled for a long time. I mean, I'm an adult, but... geez... so controlled and quiet. Right?!

Here's the first vLog video:

Here's the second vLog video:

And number three just went up last night!!

I'm keeping my personal personality out of it for now because... I want to establish a content flow.

In the next video, I think my personality will slip out a lot because we had the chance to go and see and tour the #YoutubeSpaceLA and it was FREAKIN' AMAZING!! Moon will join me on that video so, that will be lots of fun!! Check it out soon!!

More news and updates coming... because we just landed a WHITE WHALE for Moon's channel!!

Wow. I've never seen a worse Trailer... Movie is called Kong: Skull Island. Upon hearing it, you think of King Kong and other monsters, I guess? Anyways, from the looks of the trailer, Hollywood is looking to fail again. I mean, just because they whip together great actors into one big epic movie doesn't mean the movie will do well. I mean, someone always outshines another, and they don't seem to come off real when working together... when will Hollywood, learn?

Updates? Erm... There's a lot in the works... nothing big enough to report yet, but I'm just re-watching Jenny Lena... I mean, dude, the pipes on this girl!!

Right?!?! But as for a movie I'm excited to see that released an AWESOME trailer?

Enough said. (Note... Asians are still invisible... sigh...)

In Memory Of... (11.11.16)

For all those who lost loved ones who fought for the freedom, happiness, and future out of love, duty, and need.

... Thank You.

Voting Woes (11.07.16)

I received terrifying news yesterday, when I ventured home to fill out my voting ballot and see my Mom, Dad, and sister.

I was very angry with my mother told me that my father was voting for Donald Trump. For a man to be in a family of all women, I felt very strange that he was voting for a man who discriminates against women. And then she justified his voting reasons by stating that the Chinese church was going to vote for Donald Trump. 

She went on to say that under Obama's presidency homosexuals gained marriage privileges, Tran-sexual bathrooms were created, and the republican view was lost to mankind in violation of the rights of the people.

My response that I could not voice to her was to tell the church to go save the voters because one man cannot affect change on the country the way multiple can. Also, it is foolish to blame the change of the world's views on Obama. If would be like blaming the loss of the world to be all Christian on Jesus. It's ridiculous and hardly possibly the truth. 

Like any body of people being governed, why are we separated by such harsh lines and views? If you really take a poll of Christian people and their beliefs, more than half would be democratic, due to the way the Church is structured and run. And yet, it has more to do with the radical and heretic ideas Republicans make about Democrats that really is the issue of why the Church maintains a Republican stance. 

I mean... if Trump wants to ship Mexicans back across the border, how much time will it be before he ships Asians back across the sea? I mean, didn't they even watch the presidential debate?! How could you trust the country to such a spiteful, materialistic, and judgemental man who actually benefits from and celebrates the 7 deadly sins?? He doesn't follow the 10 commandments... he's treats women poorly... he spreads more hate than love... I doubt Jesus would vote for him, today. 

The reason I bring this up is because... do you know how many Chinese people there are out there? A LOT!! And yet, they've been lead astray, into believing that Trump is for God, Country, and mankind. 

Perhaps this makes me a Rino (Republican In Name Only)... but I'm voting Hillary Clinton. I'd rather vote for someone who is open to affecting change than someone who will never. Though she's not the best, she's the lesser of two evils, to be honest. Personally, Bernie Sanders ~ ALL THE WAY!!!

Seriously, now... I'm a MINORITY CHRISTIAN WOMAN... Who did you think I would choose?

The Most Wonderful Loss (10.31.16)

I've been asked before... why not go out "Trick Or Treat"-ing or hanging with friends or dressing up and going to parties... WeHo is, most likely, popping and yes, a lot of people have invited me out... but, I wanted to rest and post this instead.

I know most of you don't understand Mandarin, Chinese... but here are the last videos of the most wonderful man I lost in June...

To be honest, his love story is so cute to me! When he and my grandma were married, they didn't speak the same language. So, because Chinese was written the same way just pronounced differently, they spent the first year or so just writing to each other. Then, they travelled to Taiwan together, had children, and grand children, and that's the group I'm in!

The world lost a wonderful man and scholar. Isn't he so cute? Hehe... I miss him.

May he Rest In Pease.

Updates on Tea (10.28.16)

Of all the fun emails I've received about my current transition in life, I felt the need to address it clearly. Since people would rather check my blog as opposed to talk to me, here it is:

No, I'm NOT quitting as a writer/director in the entertainment industry. I will continue in my calling as a filmmaker and I'm happy with it. Yes, I was on hiatus this summer due to the passing of someone I deeply loved... and yes, his passing somewhat impacted me negatively... but because filmmaking was his passion, to continue living out my dreams would honor his memory. So... though I might take a more indirect approach, I will still be working hard at the craft at which I am honing my skills in, continuously and faithfully.

Yes, I am going back to school. I'm applying for my Masters in Library and Information Sciences. It was the path I was on before I discovered AiCaH and am returning to it because of my own wishes. Just think about it... I'll have the world of books at my fingertips... I can hunt down stories, origins, read the authors of our times past, ugh... how wonderful does that sound? I can research for hours and days and not come up for anything other than water. Life would definitely be different, but I see it as richer and much more lush than before. Ain't life grand?

I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE. I'm not sure how this rumor started. It's funny because the MLIS course is online and my job is still in the LA area. So, where I am now, unless I move to a more comfy place, I'm staying where I live. I do have the hopes and dreams of one day moving into my own town house where I can see green forestry, walk to the local shops, eat amongst familiar strangers, and work in my home office... we'll see if that happens any time soon?

I am single but dating. Oh, of all the tragic and fun events of these past few weeks, the most fun has been meeting new people, networking, chatting, discovering chemistry, and gaining a better sense of the world around me. I am someone who needs people from time to time, so, of course, I will go on the occasional date, but I'm hoping for a consistent lover who will hold my hand in public, kiss me in secret, hold me close whenever possible, and love me as I adore him in return. I want that final companion that will make my life complete, and until I meet him, I am on a journey to him... that's how I see it. And I'm meeting great people along the way. Some become lasting friends, others temporary lovers, but all in all, God has me and I'm good with that.

"The Collector", as great as it was, is over. I have chosen to absorb 3 inactive projects into one to make a more lush and dense, interesting, story. I'm not sure where I'm choosing to distribute it yet... but it will be set to either Hulu, Amc, Amazon, or etc. There are many outlets, just have to find our niche and stay there, I guess. You know how it is... But my cast and crew are waiting, loyal, and patiently keeping busy. I feel the "Recycled"  talent is necessary and I'm excited to see how it moves and where it goes!!

The two main Producers I'm working with are both foreign with many international and domestic connections. VM is looking to bring me on to stories based on true stories, so lots of research there. JJ is looking to fix our feature so that investors will like it and all will be made. How exciting that we are moving forward at this time!! There are others like HH and EG and GP but those are at different stages... as usual. Haha... Se la vi! But still very exciting!!

I still have many projects in the works. I've been meeting guys and girls everywhere just to listen to their stories (good and bad) about dating, life, traditions, shockers, and sex. It's always interesting gathering information and new materials but I have faith that life can keep going as it was...

Questions? Comments? You know how to reach me.

Much love ~ T.

MusicPhile At Work (09.28.16)

I heard this new Justin Bieber song and I couldn't help but notice how similar it was to another song already out a while ago... But, listen to it yourself and tell me if the counter melody or something about the melody sounds similar? I can't shake it and I'm not sure why. I know artists are inspired by other artists, and therefore some songs come into existence because of that.

Here's "Let Me Love You" By DJ Snake ft. Justine Bieber


Here's "Turn Me On" by Kevin Lyttle


Well... What do you think? Do I got the wrong b*tch, b*tch? (hehe)

The Love-Con Scammer-Man

I’ve been scammed before for cold, hard, cash. And I lost it to them without thinking. Lesson learned, I thought, until another scam happened my way.

I’d been on online dating for the better part of 2 years and I hated it. Finding guys, meeting them, not/liking them, and then trying to not get physical right away. It sucked. I wanted more. I wanted romance. I wanted love and unconditional companionship. Sweet words of affirmation, confirmation, and mushy love. And this con artist gave it to me. Let’s call him Jack (who knows what his real name is?).

Jack found me on OkCupid and started swearing to the world that I was the one for him. If not me, then he would not marry again. After a bad divorce that ended 6 years prior to meeting me, which he stayed celibate during, he worked hard and made his way out of XiaMen, FuJian, in China to Hong Kong to work for Lippo Securities Ltd. (Yes… apparently, most of them do).

We talked about his hopes and dreams matching with mine, personal preferences, and the moon and stars. We talked about getting married, having a kid, and how his parents and my parents are. We discussed our families, and him being an only child, how happy he would be to have so many more family members all at once just by marrying me. He wanted to elope when my family first questioned him but we talked it down and he agreed to meet me about two months after first contact.

He was the first message I read in the morning when I woke up, and because of the time difference between LA and HK, he was the last message I read at night, before he trained me to sleep at 9 pm, his 12 pm the next day. We talked about my moving over there to live with him, talking through the night, and even sexual needs and preferences. There was a lot going on and yet, that fateful day came when his company suddenly had an opportunity to invest and profit was guaranteed.

I initially said no, because I’d always been told NOT to toy with the stock market, especially since I didn’t know anything about it. But he assured me that he would be my guarantor and watch my back as long as I was able to have the starting capital, the least amount, $5k. So, I borrowed money from people without telling them the truth as to why I needed it, and I added it to my own funds (my savings), so that I could send it to a shell company his company set up under a name of a man I didn’t know. And since it’s a personal account, I can never ask for it back. How convenient, eh?

He urged me to invest more but I don’t just have thousands laying around, nor was I able to ask to borrow from anyone else. Anyways, he eventually gave up when he found I wouldn’t, and after about 3 days, he reported that we’d made more than $600k. … Um… no, that’s not normal. Anyways, it was time to cash out! Which meant, the company would take 30%, half of the 70% was taxed, so the remaining $370k was my profit. And when the company went to go send the money to me, there was an issue with the Internal Tax Revenue Department (YinHuaShui) which demanded I pay 0.05% before I can get the profits. And that amount was $19k.

IMAGINE MY SURPRISE!!

I barely scraped together $5k and now, they needed $19k to get out my profits. And, so I talked to a money guy I knew who told me to consult my CPA. So, I went to EVERY CPA I knew in LA, HK, and Taiwan, and got the same response. Whenever you have to first pay money for money that’s already yours, IT’S A SCAM. And so, that’s when I realize that, as my Uncle advised, if I took my emotional connection out of it, IT’S TOTALLY NOT RIGHT!! To have money transferred before even meeting this guy, and all that, is just wrong! But I ignored the flags and kept searching for answers.

I emailed Lippo Securities and they replied that they didn’t have anyone by his English and Chinese name working for them. My Uncle sent Lippo Securities a document with the Lippo heading on it and Lippo confirmed that the documents were forged (and were sorry for my loss). He kept telling me not to go to my parents or family about this when a man who is not trying to con you would suggest the opposite. He kept urging me to add to the funds because he was embarrassed to have only put in so little when the other guarantors put in so much more. My Uncle wanted his work number so they could chat but Jack kept avoiding it, saying the lines were recorded and he signed a confidentiality agreement, which meant he couldn’t talk about the event. (… forged, too?)  

<><><>

Cue the entrance for the F4 (“Boys Over Flowers” or Kang cousins “Cinderella and the 4 Knights”) to come save my skin. Where is the “City Hunter” or “Black Butler” when I need to be saved and avenged for this terrible crime that has made me, once again, a victim? And you better believe I am so angry and I feel so betrayed right now while writing this. In truth, first came the numb feeling of denial, and then an overwhelming sense of sadness and hurt… now, I’m in full-on American-bitch mode, putting together my materials for my police report. And, since it’s an international crime, I think the FBI, too?

I talked to some friends who I’d been talking with about Jack and most of them said they chose not to say anything about their suspicions because of how happy he made me. To have someone love me, unconditionally, from afar, and continue to pursue me with marriage intentions, it’s everything someone of my age and career wanted. At one point, I was even willing to give up my career for him. … I was willing to have a kid with him.

However, knowing all I did and yet, I let him be the one to break it off with me because I wondered how he would do it. And, as it was, he accused me of letting my family get between us and said we could only be friends. But, if I ever went to HK, he would be willing to meet up. So, for the rest of the night, we were very quiet. The money guy called once more and I turned him down, and then he slipped up. He said he didn’t see Jack at work all day and then mentioned how he looked pale. Interesting what they can see over phones, eh? 

So I checked on Jack, who told me to get away from him.

And then, he unfriended me. That’s it. THAT WAS HIS MASTER PLAN?! GEEZ!!

Why take the submissive approach? Well, he didn’t know I reported him to the authorities and FBI. He didn’t know I found out much earlier on and pretty much WATCHED him play me… as if he was in charge. When I refused to pay the larger amount was when he started getting angry and aggravated. The fool thought he was manipulating me, but, in truth, I got some fun in for myself.

I've had time to clear my mind since it happened. It's been about 3 weeks, and today was supposed to be the 3rd day of his LA-trip. Hehe. For someone who didn't exist, he sure made a ripple on my life... LOL!!

Being Single (09.15.16)

Being single sucks. Being single in a big city filled with sex, drugs, and drinking, sucks even more.

How do I survive? ... Strike a deal with a devil...

1.  Drink slowly and confidently. Take a sip, put down your glass, and look around. Please, don't hold the glass to your lips, don't let your eyes wander too far, and always remember to watch your drink so that no one can slip something in by accident.

2.  Speak with intent and partial honesty. When you slur, stammer, or flub, the other thinks they have more power, and then... the rest of the night will go down from there. Keep the power in your courts. In the end... if you can't get the power back, just walk away.

3.  Keep your composure. Smile and flirt, be a good person and a good woman in public. Remember to stand up straight, even if you don't feel like it. Remember to have your friends's backs, but also think about those you are watching and keep them on point. They should have your back, too!

There are sly devilish men in grey suits everywhere... Some are angels... some are not.

Let's hope you meet a gentleman... and old-fashioned, if possible.

My Clear-Out Discovery

Without meaning to, much of what I own has passed into the irrelevant due to the ever updating technology.

I am cleaning out equipment I no longer need to keep me afloat and as I stare at countless hard drives, microphones, and like equipment, I realize that time has moved on and now, what I once found reliable is not wanted anywhere.

Sad, how technology does such with itself. The most vicious of all cannibals...

Updates on Me

I've closed down much of my side projects and life... And I've entered a LONG DISTANCE relationship. Have I met him yet? Nope! Then how is this a relationship? We're both monogamous, trusting each other, and committed to only each other.

In terms of society today... we're nuts. We're only banking on each other and being romantic and sweet to each other. He's coming here and then, I'll go there. Back and forth for a few months before taking that walk down the aisle and into eternity, I guess.

I guess, if you're interested, I'll update you as I go... And maybe post our wedding photos first?

A Gentle Sell (08.18.16)

Challenge:  Sell something to a 30-something fitness conscious male...

Being a woman in her early thirties, I appreciate that you are into sports and traveling. Being health conscious is a very attractive trait in men in their thirties. However, as much as I appreciate such men, seeing them support FitBits and Apple Watches also show off their lavish lifestyles and materialistic personalities. Or, worse, their inability to create their own path and a rather, undesirably passive resignation to "follow the herd.”  

Which is why I hope you'd consider the BioRing. It's small, non-intrusive to your wardrobe, and quite an easy-to-understand system. Not only does it measure your steps and general health, the ring sends updates to your phone about more detailed vital information in your body as you function throughout the day. From sleeping to working out to eating, the BioRing allows users to utilize the newest technologies and sensors to understand their bodies better. You can wear it wherever you go, it matches everything in your closet, in and out of water, and the ring looks good on both males and females.

This simple fashion statement says more about you to yourself than any others out there.

To check out the product, please go to:  https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/bioring-the-personal-trainer-on-your-finger-fitness-gadget#/ 

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What do you think? Did I gently sell it?

I've been asked why I went for the gentle salesman approach and that's a style I've discovered most people respond to. Most people don't like people yelling or talking AT them, which is why the gentle salesman approach is usually the best. The item is not cheap but it lasts a lifetime and, from what I think, most athletes would love this app, but selling it to the common man out there, one has to be coddled a bit before making such an investment. Right?

There's also the fear of turning them off to the item. The more aggressive approach, though quite fun to make, would also make them aware of the plenty of other options available to them, not to mention, beg the question as to why they would want to impress a woman like myself. Such an approach can seriously torpedo a sale... Truly, believe me on this. 

Long Distance Savior (08.17.16)

Good day all!! OMG!! I hate playing the field as a woman. Do you have any idea how terrible it is to do it as a woman that men find another slab of meat?! ... It's terrifying and really sad because of those who call and those who don't.

Anyways, on August 10th (2016), HE sent me a lovely message in Chinese on OkCupid but I hadn't read Chinese in so long, I didn't understand a word of it. And because OkCupid wouldn't let me copy the message into a translator, I asked him to translated it into English. He responded kindly and then I asked to WeChat because it has a built-in translator. (Woot!)

We started chatting and everything he said slowly sewed up my broken heart. Each compliment, each line, each run, I couldn't help but feel seduced and enticed, until I found myself falling, gently, for this man from Hong Kong. So far away, and yet, he was closer to me than any man had ever managed to get.

I went from seeing 7 men at the same time, all in rotation, totaling 9 total in my lifetime... after being active on the dating scene for... 1.5 months... Yeah... FAST!! and loose... and I hated it!! but it seemed to be the only way to find someone...

One week was all it took for me to consider him seriously for marriage. I eliminated all others for him... Seven days were enough to test our feelings, connection, and strengthen our love. It sound silly, it's ridiculous if you think about it, and yet... it's strangely the only thing that's keeping me afloat.

Did I mention he's coming out to visit me in September? To meet my family and friends... To date me and get to know me enough... so when I go visit him, I can meet his parents and friends in October... so... yeah... :)

Upside... Many connections in HK want to work with me... but he's my first priority if this pans out...

Wish me luck?

WORST FIRST MEETING/DATE EVER!!! (08.01.16)

I'm new to online dating as a more physically active person, now. So... bear with me on this. 

I’m still getting a sense of when someone is lying and when they’re honestly looking for a connection. I’m not one to judge based on ethnicity and religion, but I know what I want and what I don’t want. I want a man who is confident in himself to carry himself with grace, chivalry, and honesty. I don’t want a perverted excuse of a man who is just looking to hook up under the pretense of looking for something more. Aren’t there enough of those guys in life already? Geez.

So, a guy likes my OkCupid profile and starts chatting with me. We get along because I get along with everyone, and exchange numbers. We start texting and decide to try to meet on the same day. I think it’s fast but he promises no monkey business, just a meeting, nothing more. And I think, “Okay, this guy can’t be so bad.” So, I agree to make the drive out to him because he has work… blah blah blah…

First sign of something not right, HE SHOULD HAVE COME OUT TO ME OR MET ME HALFWAY.

Before meeting him, when I went back to check out his profile, he had deactivated it. And when I asked him why, he said it was because he was talking to me. And… well, as sweet as that could have been, that made me feel like he was hiding something. I felt nervous and anxious but told myself that it was sweet that he was so focused on me, when in reality, I felt irked by this.

Second sign of something not right, I FELT IRKED AND YET, I STILL WENT OUT TO MEET HIM.

Right, so, the drive took over half an hour and he called me to ask where I was. Right? Why was he so fidgety? Shouldn’t he be the confident one? … Bad feelings from his voice, too…

Third sign of something not right, I FELT “UGH” FROM HIS VOICE… SERIOUSLY!! Should have turned around!!

I arrived on time and parked. The guy was halfway down the street and tried to kiss me upon meeting. Physically, I was disappointed, but I thought, maybe he has a sparkling personality. I mean, isn’t that why we stick around if there’s no physical chemistry? Well, he led me into a lovely complex and to a bench by a man-made pond where some ducks and turtles swam. Along the way, he told me the last relationship he had was 8 years long and it had been two years since she ended it with him for a richer man. At that moment, I was actually ticking off my list of annoyances and he was getting a very high score. Geez… but, okay, maybe further conversation could make things better, right?

Fourth sign of something not right, WTF! WHY WOULD YOU KISS SOMEONE YOU JUST MET WHEN TRYING TO SEEK A LTR WITH THEM??

I was so wrong!! We chatted but thirty minutes in, I felt NO chemistry and was actually feeling more and more repulsed as he tried to move closer or chat. I could tell he only had ONE THING on his mind, this coming from a man who had just been telling me how much he longed to be in a long term relationship, and how he was willing to go slow because he wanted to be invested in the relationship part, not just the physical. The last straw was when he kept talking and I felt like being physically sick just to get away from him. I thought I let him down gently by telling him that I don’t feel any chemistry with him. He snapped and got up, saying, “Damn waste of my time,” and walked off.

Fifth sign of something not right, HE LEFT ME THE MOMENT HE FOUND OUT I WOULD NOT PUT OUT. WHAT AN ASS!!

Not knowing my way back to the front gate, I followed, as he repeated, “If we’re not going to hook up, damn waste of my time…” Right? From a guy who was looking long term, not just at the physical, and hoping for something more. So he murmured on how I can get back to the front when I asked and then walked off in the other direction. I walked a bit lost, and had to ask a kind elderly woman for directions. She gave them to me beautifully and simply. When I got into my car, I drove off, shaking my head at how poorly I had judged this guy.

All in all, this was my WORST EXPERIENCE because he was physically, mentally, and psychologically not what he tried to come off as through OkCupid and text. Physically, okay, editing sucks for this reason. Mentally, all he wanted was sex but used the LTR lure to bring me in. And Psychologically, he was quite unsound. He mentioned doing a sport and I think he may have been traumatized by it because he wasn’t all there. Sure, he could have been nervous or shy, but to give off such strong vibes that disgusted and revolted me from the few moments we spent together, I’d never felt so… nauseous.

It’s sad, but, I can see why his former left him. Based on this short encounter, NOTHING would bring me to unblock his number of contact him again. I mean, yes, eventually, I want a LTR with a man who is confident and physically/mentally/psychologically sound and stable… but this man was ALL WRONG for me. Ugh. Even thinking of him now makes my throat want to close up and my stomach want to purge its contents.

Seriously… LADIES AND GENTLEMEN who are on online dating websites… BE CAREFUL!!

Life Struggle (07.26.16)

"Treat others the way you want to be treated." ~~~ Should I, now, start throwing people under the bus? 

I have always struggled with this "golden rule" because everyone else seems to know it but not act accordingly. If my friends mess up, I will cover for them, even at the expense of some acquaintances. But, more often than not, I find that when I mess up, I'm thrown under the bus by the very same people I defend wholeheartedly. 

Most recently, I was told I could partake in a delightful snack that was stowed at my apartment. And partake, I did, for two weeks, the delightful snack saving me from some hot days and tough hours. And when my roommate returned to find it gone, she told her significant other who had originally stowed it our our place, and had invited me to partake. -- The thing is, I know I was wrong to not replace it immediately, but I claim ignorance in thinking that they would be back for it for they never stated such intentions. Proof? ... They left without saying anything. 

But, I had thought, FOR SURE, my roommate, being my friend FIRST, would do what I would have done. If I were her, I would have bought the replacement delight snack and given it to my boyfriend, while giving my roommate (me) the receipt to pay me (my roommate) back. Sure, a bit more work for my roommate, but it would maintain the peace between all nations. Instead, she chose to rat me out and make the situation uncomfortable for 3 people, not just 2. 

How, then, is this "golden rule" beneficial to me? ~~~ The sad truth is that, it is not. 

For as long as I live, I am doomed to be the loyal dog to everyone and I have no one stand up for me. I think for others and care for their well-beings, naturally, even if it requires more work on my part. You may wonder why I didn't replace the delightful snack immediately? ... I couldn't find it at Stater Bros., 7-Eleven, CVS, Rite Aid, and Vons. I planned to venture to Ralphs tomorrow, but she returned with the news before I could head over there. She couldn't even think to warn me, HER ROOMMATE AND FRIEND FOR YEARS, before reporting the incident to her boyfriend of less than one year. 

This is the friend I live with; the person I trust with my life and safety. ~~ As of now, I feel none of those previous sentiments for her. I question what she has told this boyfriend, who is a stranger to me, and how he sees me because of this incident. Not only that, I don't trust him now. What's to stop him from warning my roommate against me and anything else that could be seen negatively? Of all people, I know that: if there's a will; there's a way. If he doesn't think my roommate's stuff is safe here, then one word and she could be moving elsewhere and leaving me high and dry. I don't think she would ever do that, but I don't know for sure... do I? I mean, she's proven that her loyalties lie elsewhere. 

Why, then, do I bother making friends? Am I not alone, then, in this endeavor called 'life'.

...

If anyone has advice, please... send it my way. I'm not suicidal... but I'm not fine either. 

DUMPED... (07.21.16)

This morning, I was dumped for the THIRD time by the SAME GUY!!!

I'm laughing at the irony... One month after our second date and things are over. How strange is that? This 3 month whirlwind of a first experience of an intimate relationship with a man I thought could be the ONE... included 6 meets, over 600 miles, about 50 hours (1/3 of which was in traffic or on the road), and for a man who wasn't even loyal to me... or any one girl for that matter, not even the one he swears he loves. Well... that's over with and now it's just heartbreak and working hard to get over him...

MIND YOU ~~ I actually asked multiple girls how to handle missing him. They said to text him and write emails to let him know he was on my mind. ... So I did that. And in the end... I came off as "overwhelming"... where was the advice to simply ignore him?? 

First guy down... where my future hubby be? I can't help but feel sad... cuz I actually cared... damn it!

IF I DIE YOUNG (The Band Perry)

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
oh oh oh oh

Lord make me a rainbow
I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you
when she stands under my colors oh and
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be no
ain't even grey but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life well
I've had just enough time

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life well
I've had just enough time

And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger
I've never known the lovin' of a woman,
But it sure felt nice when she was holdin' my hand
There's a girl here in town, says she'll love me forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by

The sharp knife of a short life well
I've had just enough time

A penny for my thoughts
oh no I'll sell them for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin?
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin...

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had, just enough time

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down

No... I'm not ending this post like this... ENJOY how I will try to be like now...

DUMPED... (07.21.16)

This morning, I was dumped for the THIRD time by the SAME GUY!!!

I'm laughing at the irony... One month after our second date and things are over. How strange is that? This 3 month whirlwind of a first experience of an intimate relationship with a man I thought could be the ONE... included 6 meets, over 600 miles, about 50 hours (1/3 of which was in traffic or on the road), and for a man who wasn't even loyal to me... or any one girl for that matter, not even the one he swears he loves. Well... that's over with and now it's just heartbreak and working hard to get over him...

MIND YOU ~~ I actually asked multiple girls how to handle missing him. They said to text him and write emails to let him know he was on my mind. ... So I did that. And in the end... I came off as "overwhelming"... where was the advice to simply ignore him?? 

First guy down... where my future hubby be? I can't help but feel sad... cuz I actually cared... damn it!

IF I DIE YOUNG (The Band Perry)

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
oh oh oh oh

Lord make me a rainbow
I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you
when she stands under my colors oh and
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be no
ain't even grey but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life well
I've had just enough time

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life well
I've had just enough time

And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger
I've never known the lovin' of a woman,
But it sure felt nice when she was holdin' my hand
There's a girl here in town, says she'll love me forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by

The sharp knife of a short life well
I've had just enough time

A penny for my thoughts
oh no I'll sell them for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin?
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin...

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had, just enough time

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down

No... I'm not ending this post like this... ENJOY how I will try to be like now...

A Public Date (07.16.16)

I went over to see my hook-up and we chatted before establishing that we're friends. He was sweet and our time together were filled with kisses and nudity, but I felt very calm and relaxed. So, in private, we were lovers and romantic. And then, in public, we were just friends.

I got pouty. And when he asked what was going on, I told him I wanted to PDA it with him. But, he set me straight and so I gave up on it. So. we went in line to get the food we wanted to eat. He stood close to me and nudged me. I noticed his hand and so, I slid mine into it. It was discreet and I felt so special. This was the first time I'd ever shown PDA in public. And then, before he ordered, he looked at me and asked, "Are you ready for this?" When I turned to him, surprised, he leaned over and kissed my lips before turning to the guy and custom ordered his burrito.

I couldn't help but smile after and blush a bit. And as we ate across from each other, on the outside eating area, he pushed his hand closer to me and invited me to hold it. Like a kid, I couldn't help but slide my fingers through his and he seemed okay with it. It was incredible, feeling like we flaunted our intimacy, which was amazing and fun at the same time. And it maximized our pleasure after.

Well, to be honest, he took a nap. But, as he did, I massaged him into his nap and then laid next to him, watching him sleep. It was romantic, sweet, and he had no clue just how much I enjoyed it. And I couldn't help it. Watching the man I adored sleep, listening to his breathing, and gently trailing my hand through his hair and over his warm skin, I couldn't help but start to feel super happy to be with him!

Damn it... I'm falling in love. Sigh!!

Sad Love Letter (07.15.16)

Dear X;

I finally realized something important that you never said aloud but showed me through everything you did to me. You gave me my first kiss and made out with me, teaching me to be a good kisser, like yourself. You taught me how to use my body to flirt and how the simplest touch, taste, and scent can arouse the other and from that, gain pleasure. My first everything, you took without hesitation, from my body to my soul, I thought you would make me whole. And then, when we were apart, I was nothing to you... someone you were annoyed with through text and calls, despite being the first to contact me. And so, I came to see, that in truth, I was nothing to you, nothing but a play thing; a hook-up.

I should have first noticed when you wouldn't text back unless I texted something sexy or sexual to pique your interest. And then came the blow off you gave me, a bit more brutal than the "let's just be friends" I had expected. And so, for two months, I toiled to get over my puppy love that dumped me after the first date. And I would have succeeded had you not texted me on my birthday, asking if I was ready to lose my virginity. And though I tried to fight you off, I tried not to be drawn in, you called me and lured me back to your arms, and I gave in, giving more than receiving, leaving with fear and doubt in my mind. And that was just our second date.

Our third date I was ready for, having researched articles and videos to give you the proper blow job your turtleneck deserved, and felt high and happy when you complimented my skill. Of that, I felt more proud, than when I aced my first final in college. How sick am I? And then, you chose to end things again, telling me there was no future. I swallowed all you'd expelled in me, and yet, I still wasn't good enough to be anything to you. So I let things lie, but couldn't get over it. So I asked for one more day of pleasure to be spent in your company... and you agreed.

I'm glad I met another at this time and cancelled on you. Though he was taller, more handsome, more romantic, and more sweet to me, when I met with you again, you repeatedly asked about him to the point I knew you were jealous. And still, I stroke your ego by telling you that I preferred and wanted you more. And you took every last bit of me before you fell into drunkenness and started hitting me, over and over again, like I was your sub and you were my dom. Heart broken, confused, and so afraid, I left you and chatted with another interested party on my drive home. In tears and fear, I was so lost, and I convinced myself that, when you contacted me again, you'd never have done that if you were sober.

So, I returned to you, after a strange bout of sickness, and found you like a drunken baby, unable to function on your own and much less, hurt me. I should have left you be, in your misery, but I took care of you and tried my best to be there for you, as a friend and nothing more. And you took that from me, all my kindness and sweetness, you robbed me of my time, energy, and my anger was forced to subside because you needed me. In that moment, you needed me, and I was there.

But, oh, you were still so cruel to me. You called your girlfriend in front of me, speaking soft nothings and gentle kindness to her. You talked like you had all the time in the world, and I was there to simply help you make it through your life. As if I owed you something, I did as you asked and when you left, I actually convinced myself that you would see how much I cared for you and not see me as nothing anymore. And as I wanted condoms just in case we had a teaching time, you failed to answer the simplest of all questions the lady asked me, "What does he prefer?"

I felt so STUPID answering, "I really don't know."  You said I shouldn't try to get to know you, so I didn't. You said I shouldn't text you that much, but also asked me not to be with anyone else while I was with you. How is it then fair that you sleep with at least 2 other women weekly... when all my devotion and loving attention is supposed to be on you? ... It was simple. The truth was right there. I was an easy score, someone to play with when you were bored with the other women in your life. Someone who could be a future connection, but no one to you, as of now. Just gas because of the 100 miles I drive to and from you, and money that pays for your liquor and other needs as it comes... A servant, maybe.

I wondered how I missed this important, key, fact about our non-relationship and then I found that your passionate kisses stole the words from my lips as your deep eyes drowned me from my thoughts and your carefully constructed lies chained to the depths of your trap, just out of reach clean air.

You always remind me that you never lied to me... and as true as that may be, your body lied to me. Your body told me you wanted me and that I was someone special to you. Your body was powerful and needy, and fulfilled some of my needs, often your needs came first though. And I wanted to believe we had something, so I lied to myself, telling myself that I could mean more to you one day, if I just stuck it out... You were so cunning, I lied to myself so that I could be with you.

How could I mean nothing to you? How do you kiss someone who means nothing to you? How do you touch intimately someone who means nothing to you? Do you know how badly scarred I am having now known intimacy with you? ... And the worst part of it all is that... I still want to be with you. I still want to kiss you and hold onto you. I passed up on others just to be with you.

How sick am I to have fallen in love with you?

The worst part was, after being drunk, you never remembered anything you said to me. You didn't remember asking me to stay with you. You didn't remember telling me how much you enjoyed being with me. You didn't remember how happy you were with me. You didn't remember telling me that you liked me. You didn't remember slapping me. You didn't remember telling me you loved me. You didn't remember I meant something to you. You just didn't remember.

You mean the world to me, and yet; 

I still mean nothing to you.

... 

... What am I going to do? ...

New Meditations (07.14.16)

I'm taking part in the new meditation series hosted by Oprah and Deepak... It's intense and taught me that I'm a terrible meditator because my brain wanders like a baby Ibex on a cliffside looking for water. I'm a good breather but my brain wanders, that's all it is. And, I've noticed just how stressed I am. Dude, I am so bad at this... but I'm getting better... this new self I'm inventing at the moment. Woot!

But, man, HE IS GOOD! Well, God is good, but this man, wow! Deepak from Getting Unstuck is really awesome. I was pissed this morning, angry because... well, the awards shows always had the issue of being TOO WHITE and though the Emmys are including Black people now, they're forgetting there's a SPECTRUM OF PEOPLE out there between Black and White. It's never been the issue of White people against Black people, it's ALWAYS been the issue of a colorblind Hollywood and entertainment industry.

I had a friend who asked, "Why don't the Asian people just try harder for the roles?"

...

MOST ASIAN ROLES ARE CAST TO WHITE PEOPLE for BUDGET purposes. Just because there hasn't been a popular Asian show doesn't mean they won't be popular. It probably means that when there is a good drama out there, they will WIPE OUT ALL COMPETITION because they are more determined to succeed!! And I've been in cable networks pitching rooms... THEY KNOW IT and yet, they're too scared to be the first. Even AMC, which took a risk with 'Mad Men'...

So... there's nothing left to do but to keep writing and pitching and pray that my AWESOME shows can be picked up. Because, I CAN GUARANTEE a steady audience and high ratings... cuz I'm THAT MUCH MORE determined to succeed.

Ya feel me?

Falling For My Hook-Up! (07.12.16)

Alright, so that's a catchy title right? Well, it's not a complete lie. I mean, I have fallen for a guy who originally met me intending me to be a hook-up. It ended when we talked things through. He was kind and let me go. But after he gave me my first kiss and make out.

YEAH. Try to forget that!

So, two months later, he texts me offering me more. I bit, cuz I still wanted the guy, but things progressed super fast and I got super scared. So, I broke things off for a while... And after being with someone else for a few dates, I contacted him and he responded.

We met up and he was drunk... so bad. So I left. And when we met again, he apologized and held onto me as much as he could. He spend the day with me, made me dinner, and then we parted. And... though I know it has to end soon, I don't know how to let him go because... I think I've fallen for him.

This comment made by "Tom Segura: Mostly Stories" is TOO TRUE:

"And ladies, the key to your man's heart is through HIS taint! Now, if you don't know, the taint is that little strip of land between a man's balls and his butthole. Also known as the Devil's Driveway."

I'm proud to say that I already knew that. LOL. That's right, my hook-up told me so. LOL!!

*BTW: Someone told me to go on hiatus from blogging... but... that's just weird to me... so, I'm back!

Hiatus Over!

I was told I had to take a hiatus. That was weird because I didn't think I'd even done enough to need one. So... I took the hiatus, I relaxed as best as I could, but, in the end, I ended up doing MUCH MORE than I had intended to?

The man who gave me my first kiss texted me on my birthday, I met up with him the next day and was pushed into much more than I thought I'd do. I saw him Friday and it was all the more interesting. But, it was the end because we still want different things...

Then, I went through a hellish week, cuz everyone obsesses when they can't have the man they want. But I met someone else before I could make any mistakes, and now... I'm working hard on moving on. What an emotional trip it was...

So... Going to work on more stuff now! Hoping for more fun soon!

Anyways... HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!!!

Caught My Eye (06.15.16)

Happy birthday, Dad. You're another year older, and I know you that much less. You did instill in me a love for books, not by anything you did, of course, but because libraries were my safe haven and new adventure when you walked away from my life those years ago. And, though your presence has been spotty through the years, here's a campaign I noticed and will support because more kids deserve the haven I found those years ago.

I know it seems weird, blogging about a man I barely know and share a lot of DNA with, BUT his life choices got me to where I am now; not living at home, working at a job that I somewhat like, looking for a man that is NOT like him to marry, and never wanting children. I feel like this world is hard enough... why should I depress another kid by bringing them into the world, right?

Anyways... all the best to you this week. Life is short so enjoy it to the fullest. RIP Grandpa and RIP Christina Grimme. #youwillbemissed 

BAD clover DATE with a Racist Pyramid Schemer

I wasn’t going to post this. I was going to let it slide. But, in the end, I just can’t because there are still people out there doing things like this to innocent good-intentioned girls looking and hoping for love. I almost laughed when I heard that the pyramid scheme was still around. I worked really hard to clear my life of a lot of crap and ended up where I am now. I’m ready to date and get on with this thing called life… So, I checked out Clover, a dating app because a friend recommended it to me.

MAN!! I should have known better! Dang it!!

First guy that responds to being matched to me asks if I want to make money this Summer. And… surprised as I am, THAT is NOT how someone interested in getting to know you in a romantic way talks to you. From that moment, you are a mark and nothing more than a possible business opportunity. But, I wanted to believe that he was shy and looking for an ice breaker, maybe, and who isn’t interested in making money? Right?

WRONG!! Once a mark, always a mark.

The fool is a racist! OMG! I thought Asians being racist was sooo old fashioned and not of my generation, but he said he was born and raised in LA… then HOW THE PUCK is he still racist? If he had issues with that, MOVE TO ASIA!! But, I’m sure he can’t because he doesn’t speak the language… he speaks English! Damn, I was so mad because he was, basically, calling ALL of my friends stupid people. So, as if that wasn’t bad enough, I was hoping meeting with him, I could clear the air about his racist point of views… HAH. What a joke!

I met the guy, he brought me into his life with a sop story and then pitched to me a pyramid scheme. I was amused at first and wanted to see how far he’d get before I shut him down. He said it would be a 15 minute meeting but by the 15^th minute, I was ready to crawl into my bag and hide because he hadn’t even started his pitch yet!! All of those past memories of being tricked by the pyramid scheme came back to me, so I stopped him and shut him down. He took the rejection as any man would, and dared to insult me to my face by saying, “I thought you were brighter than this.” The dude insulted my intellect when he was the bigger chump! Wow, so I critiqued his methods and pitch because, to be honest, he sucked at it. If my words could hurt him so much, he shouldn’t be in the scheme!

He also claimed to be Christian after being brought back to life after a motorcycle accident where he was at fault. He decided NOT to wear his helmet while riding through the Malibu Hills at night. He crashed into a car head on and ... God brought him back to life. He is a Christian now because he is a miracle and etc... That was his sop story to me. Of course he wouldn't know about my trials and tribulations. He never asked about them. All he wanted to do was make me feel bad and sad for him, thinking that would open me up to him, so he could pitch to me and get me on board. I'm sorry, dude. Jesus doesn't work that way. You better rethink trying to use Him to fish me in. Cuz, I ain't biting!

On top of that, when he saw he couldn’t change my mind, not that he really tried, he packed up his set up and left. There was nothing courteous or kind about him, just a business sleaze ball moving on to their next mark. Also, he didn’t speak like he even liked what he was pitching. He kept telling me he loved the program without a smile nor any excitement. He kept telling me it was the best option for me when he knew nothing about me. And when I pointed this out to him at the end of our meeting, he said he tried but I was too “closed off”. And I take issue with that, because I answered all of his questions with honest answers about myself. That jerk didn’t even listen. He didn’t even recall our Clover chat conversation until I recited it to him verbatim. Then, he got defensive and… I was so thankful he left. I was going to forget about it…

AND THEN… Monday morning, the morning after the afternoon of our meeting, he sends me a text at 4:50 AM that read, “I hope you know why you always get the friend zone?”

…

…

Here was my text response with screen-captures of our conversation on Clover:

“(Photo) There are a few things we should get straight. The first thing you as is if I want to make money. No good guy talk[s] straight business. You never had interest in me, [NAME]. You saw a mark and took it. (Photo) Then, you went all racist on me. After that, you only kept up with me because you want[ed] to make more money. And… I said I was friend zoned to be nice. It’s never good to brag. And I wanted to [get] to know you so I kept the meeting. I hate the pyramid scheme. I hope you don’t get hurt. Please block my number.”

So, I blocked that racist fool stuck in his pyramid scheme and… onward, ho!

***

For all you Pyramid Schemers out there… as someone who has pitched to hundreds of people successfully… let me teach you some things… and take it however you want to:

Lesson #1 – People aren’t stupid. Just because you have an emotionally trying story about a difficult time you went through, it does NOT mean I will care any more about what you’re selling to me than if you told me there were ants on the ground. Your story is sad and I feel for you, but the moment you switch over and pitch to me about the pyramid, you better have a good segway… or else, I’m out. I’m not stupid. Come on, now!!

Lesson #2 – People aren’t racist anymore. WE LIVE IN A PUCKIN’ MELTING POT!! Once you insult your mark, it’s over. Regardless of whether or not I choose to meet with you or not, it was all for my entertainment, to be honest. I lost some time because of it, he got nothing out of it, but I got a good story to tell and writing material.

Lesson #3 – People aren’t nice. I am the nicest and most friendly person you will ever meet. Telling me I’m “narrow-minded” and not “bright” to my face is just asking for a tongue lashing. I carry Mace for that reason. So, I can save my breath and just spray away. I also carry a beating stick for my protection from the creeps the pyramid sends to me. So, be forewarned… there are meaner people out there than me… and they WILL not care how sad your creep’s story was.

As I wished for him, I hope you don’t get hurt. 

On a more serious note...

RIP and my condolences to everyone who lost someone recently and attended their funeral this weekend. Death is never an easy thing to get over and handle as a teen or as an adult... Be sure to remember the experiences you shared... and Love every moment of your life, live life to the fullest, and lose no time worrying about what can be... My prayers are with you and your family.