Life Struggle (07.26.16)

"Treat others the way you want to be treated." ~~~ Should I, now, start throwing people under the bus? 

I have always struggled with this "golden rule" because everyone else seems to know it but not act accordingly. If my friends mess up, I will cover for them, even at the expense of some acquaintances. But, more often than not, I find that when I mess up, I'm thrown under the bus by the very same people I defend wholeheartedly. 

Most recently, I was told I could partake in a delightful snack that was stowed at my apartment. And partake, I did, for two weeks, the delightful snack saving me from some hot days and tough hours. And when my roommate returned to find it gone, she told her significant other who had originally stowed it our our place, and had invited me to partake. -- The thing is, I know I was wrong to not replace it immediately, but I claim ignorance in thinking that they would be back for it for they never stated such intentions. Proof? ... They left without saying anything. 

But, I had thought, FOR SURE, my roommate, being my friend FIRST, would do what I would have done. If I were her, I would have bought the replacement delight snack and given it to my boyfriend, while giving my roommate (me) the receipt to pay me (my roommate) back. Sure, a bit more work for my roommate, but it would maintain the peace between all nations. Instead, she chose to rat me out and make the situation uncomfortable for 3 people, not just 2. 

How, then, is this "golden rule" beneficial to me? ~~~ The sad truth is that, it is not. 

For as long as I live, I am doomed to be the loyal dog to everyone and I have no one stand up for me. I think for others and care for their well-beings, naturally, even if it requires more work on my part. You may wonder why I didn't replace the delightful snack immediately? ... I couldn't find it at Stater Bros., 7-Eleven, CVS, Rite Aid, and Vons. I planned to venture to Ralphs tomorrow, but she returned with the news before I could head over there. She couldn't even think to warn me, HER ROOMMATE AND FRIEND FOR YEARS, before reporting the incident to her boyfriend of less than one year. 

This is the friend I live with; the person I trust with my life and safety. ~~ As of now, I feel none of those previous sentiments for her. I question what she has told this boyfriend, who is a stranger to me, and how he sees me because of this incident. Not only that, I don't trust him now. What's to stop him from warning my roommate against me and anything else that could be seen negatively? Of all people, I know that: if there's a will; there's a way. If he doesn't think my roommate's stuff is safe here, then one word and she could be moving elsewhere and leaving me high and dry. I don't think she would ever do that, but I don't know for sure... do I? I mean, she's proven that her loyalties lie elsewhere. 

Why, then, do I bother making friends? Am I not alone, then, in this endeavor called 'life'.

...

If anyone has advice, please... send it my way. I'm not suicidal... but I'm not fine either.