Where have all the STRONG MEN gone? (04.18.16)

In some ways, I feel like Christian guys are worse than non-Christian guys in the sense that, Christian guys don’t know how to properly say no to a girl. Whether or not this girl is interested in them in a romantic way is irrelevant. Christian guys simply don’t know how to say “no” properly. This is based off my recent encounter with one on an online dating site/app (which shall remain nameless). I’d been on for a while, as an upgraded member, I want to take an advantage of it, right? So, I’m just chatting regularly with mostly randoms who only last a few weeks in conversation. Once they realize they can’t meet me to hump into the sack, that I require intelligent conversation and a friendship first, they often go their own way and delete my message thread. Yup! Short, simple, and to the point. It’s come to me checking my “sent messages” before I check for new messages. I want to see who looked at me and then deleted my message as opposed to read my note and then deleted my message. It makes a difference. Not too sure how just yet, but I know it does.

Okay, so you’re asking where I’m getting my Christian guys are worse than secular guys argument and here it is! Most non-Christian guys delete right away or after a few moments. That’s just how it is. It’s quick, merciful, and a swift rejection. This clown that I’m chatting with about our common interest is responding minutes after my responses. We’re jiving, chatting, and really getting along. And to be PERFECTLY honest, I only sent a message to him because he wore a Nikon camera in his profile pic! As if you couldn’t tell by my profile and social media, cameras are my THING!! Come on, now. And I know he checked out my profile. In fact, I’m holding my Canon 7D in one of my photos! I can’t be more for-reals jived to see a fellow photog enthusiast like myself on the site! And, well, although he’s DEFINITELY NOT my type of guy, I wanted to make friends and see if we could swap shooting secrets! And as we’re chatting, it’s so fun and he likes to shoot on 35 mm film, so that’s a trip for me! Gosh, I can’t even tell you how great we were jiving, so I asked if we could meet and talk about it in person noting that our meet would NOT be a date.

He didn’t respond within 7 hours… And the app showed that he read it right away. My response is “JUST SAY NO THEN!!!” Why the puck are you making me wait and think the world of things?! Why can’t you be the Christian man you claim to be in your profile and just give a straight answer?! What is the harm in telling me, someone who NEVER expressed interest in anything other than your photog skills, that you don’t want to meet up and chat about more photog stuff? Are you afraid I might react negatively and plead with you? Because I won’t. Weren’t you Bible-based, boy? Why aren’t you referring to the Bible in this case? Do NOT lie! Tell truth!! Come on, just say “NO” and adding a “thanks” is just good manners!

I’m so annoyed with this because, for a Non-C to do this, okay, I get it. Different morals, different upbringing, different culture, of course he will beat around the bush… But for a Christian guy to do the non-Christian guy thing… It’s no wonder they’re so weak… I’ve rarely felt protected around certain male Christian friends and it’s for this reason. No isn’t that simple to them… it carries sadness, hurt, resentment, self-punishment, and the like. So, they give other reasons and such. As for me, I LOATHE guys like that!! It pisses me off because when did Jesus ever say “Well, um, I don’t think that…” Some would argue, he never said “No” but I argue that he straight up told you what TO DO  and what NOT TO DO. There was no “I think you might want to consider selling most or all of your stuff” to the rich man. He told that man to “sell” and “follow”. Right?!

OMG. I’m going to have to respond to the poor conflicted guy who is trying to find a good way to say “No” to me. I just pray that I have the patience to write it before deleting his message thread. And I just hope to God that my future husband will not be so wishy-washy. There’s nothing more frustrating to me, a filmmaker and writer/director, than someone who can’t say “NO” directly. There are far fewer problems and issues if you do the simple thing. Think of all the hassle and trouble you’ll save yourself if you’re direct without adding on weird and unclear excuses.

So, to all the Christian brothers out there who want to say no to something or someone… JUST SAY NO!

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In the end… I guess it was my fault for thinking I could make a friend or that he’d be more straight with me. I guess, a real flaw of mine is that I think all Christians are straight forward like how I am when it comes to making decisions. Apparently, it seems, I’m still more of a “man” than the men in this religion. It saddens me that many Christian men are still so weak and powerless in the conflicting world we live in. … Sigh. So sad. 

Fickle Friendship (02.17.16)

Friendship, I have found, is a very fickle thing. I’ve met strangers I could rely on more than friends of friends, which makes me wonder just how they think and operate. I’ve been burned so many times in friendship, I feel it is my job and duty to make others aware of just how aloof some can be when faced with the opportunity to help or ignore someone that is connected to them in some way. And for privacy purposes, I’ll not name names, but if they read this, I’m more than sure they’ll know who they are. And, again, this is a discovery post for me, about how I think completely differently than they do.

For those of you who don’t know me, just know this; I’ve never been in an intimate relationship, so all I’ve ever had were friends. So, I treasure these friends very much. I treat them like kings and queens because… they are all I have. And I believe in treating others the way you want to be treated. It doesn’t mean they have EVERY come close to how I treat them, but I still have hope that… maybe one day, SOMEONE will. However, having friends is special. Having none is lonely. Less painful, but also more quiet. So I choose to have friends. Maybe that’s where my thinking become so warped?

I recently learned that I treat strangers and non-direct friends better than I ought to. One example came from a recent hope of an adventure I had. I wanted to create a difficult custom designed cake that required baking knowledge and so, I asked a friend of my sibling’s for help. The person could do great things! I’ve witnessed it and eaten it before! This person agreed and then, after a few emails, this person just ignored me. I felt a bit hurt, brushed off by someone I thought I could trust, but then, I guess, this person was a relative stranger to me. If it weren’t for my sibling, then I wouldn’t know this person. Regardless of how close this person is to my sibling, that person obviously felt no connection to me.

So, it was my fault for putting so much hope in this person. I’d forgotten about how different of an person I am. For me, if a friend of my sibling asked for a favor, I would be gung-ho until the very end. I would offer up my services in every way, shape, and form, because they are friends with my sibling.

Another example comes from a wedding I once pulled out all the stops for. With a three camera set up during the service and two traveling cameras during all other times of the day, throughout the different events, I could have easily charged $1k for the whole shebang, even it being my first full wedding package. Instead, because the bride was one of my sibling’s best friends, I busted my butt from 6 Am until midnight, and was given a red envelope of $20 at the end. I was so speechless, I was so hurt, I was so humiliated, I didn’t know how to handle it except to swallow it.

Final example? A friend of mine moved recently and though I tried to help, I simply didn’t have the time. There was a miscommunication and that left a staleness in our friendship. I was confused because, when I see someone moving down the street, or what not, I usually offered to help if they needed it. Even in the Church I grew up in, we were taught to help others without complaint nor resentment. I’ve helped more people I didn’t know move than I care to remember. It was just the fact that I was fulfilling a need. That’s all.

I asked friends if my way of thinking was an American way of thinking and most of my Asian friends said yes, whereas my American friends simply told me I was just too nice. But… isn’t that how the Church raises the children to be? Have unconditional love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control?

So, this weekend,  I will venture into the cake making adventure on my own with a friend who is as ignorant as I am, and hope for the best. I can’t blame others for not helping me because they have no reason to. We think differently, therefore, the only hurt is me.

Is that right? Am I missing something?

So, please, for everyone who reads this… please be aware that some of your friends are as “too nice” as I am. If you don’t want to help them, TELL THEM DIRECTLY. Like me, I won’t know even if you ignore me because I will always give you the benefit of the doubt and think that you’ll get back to me as soon as you can. People like me… we get hurt much more often than you think, by people just like you. And yes, it’s our fault for being “too  nice”, but that’s the way we were raised. As much as I want to say no, if I CAN help… I always will. And when I get underappreciated or brushed off, I will believe that it’s my fault. And I will forgive you.

Because to me, everyone is a friend. Everyone who needs help should receive it. … Right?