Friendship, I have found, is a
very fickle thing. I’ve met strangers I could rely on more than friends of
friends, which makes me wonder just how they think and operate. I’ve been
burned so many times in friendship, I feel it is my job and duty to make others
aware of just how aloof some can be when faced with the opportunity to help or
ignore someone that is connected to them in some way. And for privacy purposes,
I’ll not name names, but if they read this, I’m more than sure they’ll know who
they are. And, again, this is a discovery post for me, about how I think
completely differently than they do.
For those of you who don’t know
me, just know this; I’ve never been in an intimate relationship, so all I’ve
ever had were friends. So, I treasure these friends very much. I treat them
like kings and queens because… they are all I have. And I believe in treating
others the way you want to be treated. It doesn’t mean they have EVERY come
close to how I treat them, but I still have hope that… maybe one day, SOMEONE
will. However, having friends is special. Having none is lonely. Less painful,
but also more quiet. So I choose to have friends. Maybe that’s where my
thinking become so warped?
I recently learned that I treat
strangers and non-direct friends better than I ought to. One example came from
a recent hope of an adventure I had. I wanted to create a difficult custom
designed cake that required baking knowledge and so, I asked a friend of my
sibling’s for help. The person could do great things! I’ve witnessed it and
eaten it before! This person agreed and then, after a few emails, this person
just ignored me. I felt a bit hurt, brushed off by someone I thought I could
trust, but then, I guess, this person was a relative stranger to me. If it
weren’t for my sibling, then I wouldn’t know this person. Regardless of how
close this person is to my sibling, that person obviously felt no connection to
me.
So, it was my fault for putting
so much hope in this person. I’d forgotten about how different of an person I
am. For me, if a friend of my sibling asked for a favor, I would be gung-ho
until the very end. I would offer up my services in every way, shape, and form,
because they are friends with my sibling.
Another example comes from a
wedding I once pulled out all the stops for. With a three camera set up during
the service and two traveling cameras during all other times of the day, throughout
the different events, I could have easily charged $1k for the whole shebang,
even it being my first full wedding package. Instead, because the bride was one
of my sibling’s best friends, I busted my butt from 6 Am until midnight, and
was given a red envelope of $20 at the end. I was so speechless, I was so hurt,
I was so humiliated, I didn’t know how to handle it except to swallow it.
Final example? A friend of mine
moved recently and though I tried to help, I simply didn’t have the time. There
was a miscommunication and that left a staleness in our friendship. I was
confused because, when I see someone moving down the street, or what not, I
usually offered to help if they needed it. Even in the Church I grew up in, we
were taught to help others without complaint nor resentment. I’ve helped more
people I didn’t know move than I care to remember. It was just the fact that I was
fulfilling a need. That’s all.
I asked friends if my way of
thinking was an American way of thinking and most of my Asian friends said yes,
whereas my American friends simply told me I was just too nice. But… isn’t that
how the Church raises the children to be? Have unconditional love, joy, peace,
patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control?
So, this weekend, I will venture into the cake making adventure
on my own with a friend who is as ignorant as I am, and hope for the best. I
can’t blame others for not helping me because they have no reason to. We think
differently, therefore, the only hurt is me.
Is that right? Am I missing
something?
So, please, for everyone who
reads this… please be aware that some of your friends are as “too nice” as I
am. If you don’t want to help them, TELL THEM DIRECTLY. Like me, I won’t know even
if you ignore me because I will always give you the benefit of the doubt and
think that you’ll get back to me as soon as you can. People like me… we get
hurt much more often than you think, by people just like you. And yes, it’s our
fault for being “too nice”, but that’s
the way we were raised. As much as I want to say no, if I CAN help… I always
will. And when I get underappreciated or brushed off, I will believe that it’s
my fault. And I will forgive you.
Because to me, everyone is a
friend. Everyone who needs help should receive it. … Right?
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